EAST VAN AL TURFED

Was it the battle over who drank the champagne?
Was it not being able to agree on a colour for Girlina's bathroom and Al's temporary East Van powder room?
Did Girlina throw Al's East Van ass out?
Or did Al leave of his own accord, wanting to sow his seed in a more gentrified pasture?

Whatever the answers are to this skirmish, the East Van Crawler Quotes, (heralding this news as the break-up of the year) "We may never know! All we can comment on at this juncture is that Al's movin out of East Van".

The story broke all over the evening news in the Lower Mainland, when last night, the police answered a domestic call to the East Vancouver tenament. Al was cited and fined for "disturbing the peace" and is scheduled to appear in court next month to fight the bogus charges, as Al claimed. When Constable Stuffinthings arrived on the scene, he would later tell reporters that he found Al atop the wobbly rooftop screaming over and over again as if in a trance, "I'm outa here, I'm outa here". Neighbours called police as it was interfering with local drug trafficking.

And the word on the street is that Al's movin' on up to Kits.

Reported by Miss Kitty

NICE HAIR, HOPE YOU WIN

HB demonstrating proper limbering up stance before fun and games.

As Kitty says, "It's the year of the Caaaaawk" and the most enjoyable way to usher in the Chinese New Year is to crowd around a Lazy Susan laden with traditional delicacies like the dried up chicken head and the "lucky" red bean dessert that someone said looked like warm blood.
Because one has to incorporate new traditions with the old, Scotch and Charades at Shanghai Alley is a much-loved ritual that always elicits laughter, disbelief and the oddest body and facial contortions. Are you a Retarded Moron? A Midget Making Lasagna?
The hands-down favourite of the night, Albanian Gypsy has joined Shitake Mushroom, Sex With a Pregnant, Tourette's Syndrome and Sitting Uncomfortably On Top of the Eiffel Tower in the Most Memorable Charades Archives.
Here are some happy shots of some silly grown-ups.

GONG HAY FAUT CHOY

Wednesday, February 9th marks the beginning of the Year of the Rooster in 2005. The celebration actually starts on New Year's Eve with a dinner with your friends or family. Here are some Do's & Don'ts to start off the New Year on the right foot:

BEFORE NEW YEAR'S DAY DO'S

Clean the entire house.
Put away all brooms and brushes.
Pay all your debts (or put down the minimum on your credit card at least)
Resolve differences with family members, friends, neighbors and business associates.
Purchase oranges and/or tangerines
Fill a "Cheun hup" (a circular red tray separated in eight compartments) with melon seeds, lotus, chocolate coins, nuts etc. (or you can just put chocolates or nuts in a red bowl)
Have fresh flowers (especially plum blossoms, peach blossoms, water lilies) in your home
Pay respect to ancestors and household gods. Acknowledge the presence of ancestors because they are responsible for the fortunes of future generations.
Open every door and window in your home at midnight to let go of the old year. (You can just crack open a window and that will suffice).

NEW YEAR'S DAY DO'S

Greet others with "Gung Hay Faut Choy" which means "Wishing You Prosperity and Wealth".
Wear something red.
Call your loved ones
Put up colourful Chinese fortune banners in your house
Say only positive things

The first person one meets and the first words heard are significant as to what the fortunes would be for the entire year. It is a lucky sign to see or hear songbirds or red-coloured birds or swallows.

NEW YEAR'S DAY DON'TS

Don’t wash your hair.
Don’t sweep the floor for fear that good fortune will be swept away.
Don’t greet people who are in mourning.
Don’t drop your chopsticks.
Don’t say the number ‘four’ (Chinese homonym for death) or mention death.
Don’t borrow or lend money.
Do not use knives or scissors on New Year's Day as this may cut off fortune.
Death and dying are never mentioned and ghost stories are totally taboo.
References to the past year are also avoided as everything should be turned toward the New Year and a new beginning.
Don't cry - if you do you will cry all through the year.

CHINESE HOROSCOPE

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