SPAM

1. What is in your belly button?
One small dark hair that's plugging the follicle in which it sits.
2. Stand in front of a mirror and cross your eyes. What do you see?
Me, only in a porcine, circus-freak, russet-haired minx-like kinda way.
3. Are you or have you ever been, a hermaphrodite?
Once. But I was on the fence then.
4. Are you sure?
Sure I'm sure.
5. Be honest.
Alright, I lied.
6. Pope John Paul or Lionel Ritchie? Lionel Ritchie.
"Hello..."
7. Have you ever intentionally dismembered a limb?
On flies and spiders.
8. Did it hurt?
Probably, but they don't make noise if you squish them soon after.
9. Family Circus or For Better or Worse?
For Better or Worse. Now that's a telling question.
10. Have you gone without sustenance for more than 3 months?
Yes, in the form of sexual sustenance.
11. Were you satisfied with your body shape?
As an embryo.
12. Would you say that your teeth are:
a)ecru
b)ivory
c)mother of pearl
d) badly stained
A) Ecru. But I've always loved that word, so perhaps they're badly stained and I'm just beholden to the word "ecru."
13. No legs or no arms?
Arms, definitely. Bye-bye arm fatty;->
14. Experiment.
Okay.
15. Do you like the phrase: "Latvius deinde in Gractia liberate metus cetrus?"
If AltaVista babel translated Latin into English, I might.
16. Do you know what it means?
See #15.
17. Have you ever spoken in tongues?
Only in past life regression therapy.
18. After you watched the movie, "The Exorcist", did you secretly try to recreate Linda Blair's full head swivelling motion and projectile vomiting?
No, but I'm skilled as all hell with a crucifix and my c-word.
19. Do you look like Linda Blair?
Wish I did.
20. If you had Linda Blair over for dinner,what would you serve her?
Isn't she dead?
21. I am humming a song right now. What is it?
"We all live in a Yellow submarine."
22. What are your feelings toward the Roman alphabet?
Passive aggressive despondency.
23.In regards to the Roman alphabet, would you say you are:
a) ambivalent
b)filled with rage
c) uncontrollably despondent
(C)
24. How many items are in your garbage at the present moment? (I'll wait until you finish counting).
None. (They're all on my floor.)
- Canary

One of the best news stories of the past few years: Monkey Man

CRITTER OF THE MONTH

CUTTING SOME RUG

Every time we attempt to do the groove thing, more often than not, it turns out to be a fiasco. The club is closed (three times. THREE!), the dj is playing cds (once), the dj is a no-show(once), the club is half empty (once), we are dancing in a place that feels like a rec room (once), we are dancing in a corridor (once)...the club we really want to go is not only closed but hasn't even opened as promised (once) and debris like bits of feathers stick to our faces and shoes (once). Paps is busy burning Pulling Up the Floorboards cds for us to practice our steps until we can finally venture out.